Originally published on 24 November 2013 on www.boldface.com.au:
We’ve all passed comment on poorly written spam, particularly those Nigerian letters asking you to send your bank account details so that they can transfer a load of money to you, or the emails from your ‘bank’ with basic spelling errors.
I thought I’d point out the opposite. Well, not actually opposite, in that this spam, a comment waiting for moderation on a blog post, is not beautiful writing in and of itself. But I think it’s really fantastic in fulfilling its purpose, to try to get published, though the author (or robot) probably didn’t expect to be published in this form.
Magnificent goods from you, man. I have take into accout your stuff prior to and you are simply extremely wonderful. I actually like what you’ve acquired right here, certainly like what you’re stating and the best way in which you assert it. You’re making it entertaining and you still care for to stay it smart. I can’t wait to learn much more from you. That is actually a wonderful website.
OK. I’m exaggerating. ‘Account’ is spelt incorrectly and ‘you still care for to stay it smart’ is a mind-twister. Still, it’s so wonderfully vague. The ‘goods’ could refer to either a product or the writing itself. It piles on the praise, so unspecific that it feels like it could be specific. I ‘like what you’re stating… and the way in which you assert it’.
The different forms of praise are impressive: previous knowledge of one’s work or reputation, personal praise: ‘you are simply extremely wonderful’, praise for the writing itself appealing to someone who wants to be 1/ entertaining 2/caring and/or 3/smart. The spambot tries to establish a personal connection (‘I can’t want to learn much more from you’) before admitting (‘actually’) that it’s not only read the blog post but the whole website.
As a bit of marketing, whoever wrote this out put some thought into: ‘How can I appeal to the widest number of website owners and bloggers in a way that they’ll be more likely to accept this as a comment which allows me to put my spammy e-mail address or website in their comments? How can I not let on that I haven’t read the post and am indeed a robot?’
Well done, spambot writer. I hope someone paid you well for your work.